The Blair Wolff Project
Feb 26th 2018
Author Michael Wolff has called Tony Blair an "complete liar" for denying claims that he was pitching the Trump team for a job in the Middle East. Blair responded on Twitter that the story was “total fabrication”, “Wolff was never present at any conversation” and “many others have had the same experience” with him. The same experience? What does this mean? Was Wolff just very good at hiding (wolves are good at this)? Did the “many other” people even know they were been watched??? It all sounds a bit spooky….
http://bbc.in/2CGOdhA
The Blair Wolff Project
JARED: Oh Ivanka, what a great idea to have a breakfast here on the White House Lawn.
IVANKA: Well Jared, I just thought would be nice to get outside… There’s a creepy bald guy with a notebook always following me around…
JARED: Who, Stephen Millar?
IVANKA: No, the other one…
FX: Twig snapping
IVANKA: Wait, what was that?
JARED: Sounded like it came from behind that bush….oh my God!
IVANKA: What is it?
JARED: There are sticks everywhere! Strung together in some sort of a symbol?
IVANKA: Sort of a cross inside a circle…
JARED: Hmmm, they weren’t here this afternoon…and… is that a pile of white sheets?
IVANKA: I’ll call housekeeping…Oh Jared, lets go inside. Its getting weirdly dark and it feels like someone’s watching us.
JARED: Yeah let’s go, - I’m still hungry though - let’s head west to the Presidents Dining Room…
IVANKA: Don’t get us lost darling, it’s like a forest in here…
JARED: We should nearly be there now…hang on…
STAFFER: Welcome to the East Room, Sir.
JARED: East Room? Weren't we heading West? Are you sure?
STAFFER: Yes sir. We’re just preparing a Reception for LGBT business leaders
IVANKA: Wait…is that Vice President Pence stood in the corner?
STAFFER: Yes ma'am - he has been there for the past half an hour
IVANKA: Why is he facing the wall?
JARED: (knowingly) Is he praying the gay away…?
STAFFER: No sir…If he can’t see the gay people, he can pretend they don’t exist..
FX: Door slamming
IVANKA: What was that?!
JARED: Quick, lets go through here!
FX: Door opening
IVANKA: (breathing heavily) Jared, we are back on the lawn!
JARED: Impossible! And…why IS it so dark, it’s 11am?! Hang on..where did these flaming torches come from?
IVANKA: Who is THAT? It looks like…Jeff Sessions? Wearing one of those white sheets?
JARED: I can’t tell, he has some sort of hood on.
IVANKA: Why is he stood in the corner? Has he recused himself from the LGBT Reception? Jeff???!!!
FX: Sound of Jeff Sessions urinating onto the grass
JEFF (Texan drawl) AAAAAAHHHH, yeah boy….
JARED: No…he’s, just relieving himself.
IVANKA: Eeeuw. Well, he can’t help it, he is 150. Right, back inside. Lets head to Dad’s Oval Office, we should be safe there.
FX: Door shutting and locking
IVANKA: Ah, safe at last. Wait…Dad?
JARED: Daddy? What are you doing stood facing the corner? Has Rex Tillerson put you on the naughty step again?
IVAKA: Aaargh, the light’s have just gone out! I’m scared, Kushy!
JARED: It’s OK, Vankles. Turn on the light on your phone
FX: Cupboard door creaking
IVANKA: I think there’s someone in that cupboard behind us!
JARED: OK….Errr….pass me that semi-automatic assault rifle in your handbag…no, not that one….yes, the AR-15. Are you recording this?
IVANKA: Yes, we can finally prove who it is!
FX: Phone falls on the floor
IVANKA: Oh no I dropped my phone. I can’t find it anywhere!
JARED: It’s OK honey…it will be found in a few years and they can review the footage. Tony…Tony is that you? Daddy didn’t want you to go to Israel. He just likes Piers Morgan more as he always tells the truth…whoever you are, come out!
FX: Door creaking open
IVANKA: Who are you? That horrible writer? Or Tony Blair? Which (pause) is it?
JARED: (Pause - then relieved) Neither…It’s just Mike Pence hiding in the closet.
END
The Blair Wolff Project
JARED: Oh Ivanka, what a great idea to have a breakfast here on the White House Lawn.
IVANKA: Well Jared, I just thought would be nice to get outside… There’s a creepy bald guy with a notebook always following me around…
JARED: Who, Stephen Millar?
IVANKA: No, the other one…
FX: Twig snapping
IVANKA: Wait, what was that?
JARED: Sounded like it came from behind that bush….oh my God!
IVANKA: What is it?
JARED: There are sticks everywhere! Strung together in some sort of a symbol?
IVANKA: Sort of a cross inside a circle…
JARED: Hmmm, they weren’t here this afternoon…and… is that a pile of white sheets?
IVANKA: I’ll call housekeeping…Oh Jared, lets go inside. Its getting weirdly dark and it feels like someone’s watching us.
JARED: Yeah let’s go, - I’m still hungry though - let’s head west to the Presidents Dining Room…
IVANKA: Don’t get us lost darling, it’s like a forest in here…
JARED: We should nearly be there now…hang on…
STAFFER: Welcome to the East Room, Sir.
JARED: East Room? Weren't we heading West? Are you sure?
STAFFER: Yes sir. We’re just preparing a Reception for LGBT business leaders
IVANKA: Wait…is that Vice President Pence stood in the corner?
STAFFER: Yes ma'am - he has been there for the past half an hour
IVANKA: Why is he facing the wall?
JARED: (knowingly) Is he praying the gay away…?
STAFFER: No sir…If he can’t see the gay people, he can pretend they don’t exist..
FX: Door slamming
IVANKA: What was that?!
JARED: Quick, lets go through here!
FX: Door opening
IVANKA: (breathing heavily) Jared, we are back on the lawn!
JARED: Impossible! And…why IS it so dark, it’s 11am?! Hang on..where did these flaming torches come from?
IVANKA: Who is THAT? It looks like…Jeff Sessions? Wearing one of those white sheets?
JARED: I can’t tell, he has some sort of hood on.
IVANKA: Why is he stood in the corner? Has he recused himself from the LGBT Reception? Jeff???!!!
FX: Sound of Jeff Sessions urinating onto the grass
JEFF (Texan drawl) AAAAAAHHHH, yeah boy….
JARED: No…he’s, just relieving himself.
IVANKA: Eeeuw. Well, he can’t help it, he is 150. Right, back inside. Lets head to Dad’s Oval Office, we should be safe there.
FX: Door shutting and locking
IVANKA: Ah, safe at last. Wait…Dad?
JARED: Daddy? What are you doing stood facing the corner? Has Rex Tillerson put you on the naughty step again?
IVAKA: Aaargh, the light’s have just gone out! I’m scared, Kushy!
JARED: It’s OK, Vankles. Turn on the light on your phone
FX: Cupboard door creaking
IVANKA: I think there’s someone in that cupboard behind us!
JARED: OK….Errr….pass me that semi-automatic assault rifle in your handbag…no, not that one….yes, the AR-15. Are you recording this?
IVANKA: Yes, we can finally prove who it is!
FX: Phone falls on the floor
IVANKA: Oh no I dropped my phone. I can’t find it anywhere!
JARED: It’s OK honey…it will be found in a few years and they can review the footage. Tony…Tony is that you? Daddy didn’t want you to go to Israel. He just likes Piers Morgan more as he always tells the truth…whoever you are, come out!
FX: Door creaking open
IVANKA: Who are you? That horrible writer? Or Tony Blair? Which (pause) is it?
JARED: (Pause - then relieved) Neither…It’s just Mike Pence hiding in the closet.
END