Brexit Deadline Day
Feb 2nd 2018
It was football’s Transfer Deadline Day last week…
In March 2019 our Government will have it’s equivalent…
Welcome to the madness of….
Brexit Deadline Day!!!
FX: Sky Sports “swoosh”
JIM: Welcome all to the studios here at the Department of Exiting the European Union! An exciting last few minutes we have for you…..
KELLY: Indeed we do Jim…first up, the Chinese Super League have issued a “hands off” warning to potential buyers of our PM. Quote; “Auntie May shows great ability on the pitch “sidestepping” human rights issues. Plus her husband’s “handsome-ness” will be great for us commercially”.
JIM: Lovely stuff. New just in that the transfer of Liam Fox has been upheld due to the Department’s fax machine not working.
KELLY: The Foreign Office have issued a “come and get me” plea for Boris Johnson. Boris’ agent has told us “he knows nothing about it”.
JIM: Over now to Charlotte, our Eastern European football correspondent.
CHARLOTTE: Thanks Jim. Sources are telling us that Russia has hijacked a bid by the Trump Administration for out-of-contract Nigel Farage. You’ll remember Piers Morgan was also part of the deal, but he got injured during the negotiations in Davos, pulling his head of the President’s arsehole….
JIM: Thanks Charlotte - we have an update that the Department fro Brexit WILL accept an emergency swap deal for Liam Fox - they just want a new fax machine.
KELLY: Jacob Rees Mogg’s transfer fee has hit a snag over his 19th Century image rights…..
JIM: Immigration Minister Caroline Noakes has been held up at the airport due to no work permit….
KELLY: Just hearing the Foreign Office will offer Boris Johnson on a free AND include three brand new fax machines as an incentive to get him off their books.
JIM: We head live now to the Treasury Office and our man David….David, what can you tell us?
DAVID: Yes Jim, you can see behind me there is a taxi just waiting on the corner…I’m being told that inside that Taxi is Micheal Gove. This must follow rumours of a move from the Department of Environment, Food and Rural Affairs…
JIM: Has anyone come out to greet him, David?
DAVID: No.
KELLY: Sorry to interrupt there gentlemen, but we have some breaking news. The Liam Fox and Boris Johnson transfers have broken down at the last minute. It seems that David Davies has not got the paperwork over to Curry’s PC World in time to purchase the fax machines….
JIM: WOW! You also have an update on Gove for us, David?
DAVID: Yes, just hearing in my ear that the Micheal Gove to Chancellor from Environment Secretary rumour was in fact a transfer spoof, ran by George Osbourne at the Evening Standard. I can see Gove being told this just now by his driver….ahhh…yes…just look at his face!
JIM: What drama we have on Brexit Deadline Day!
KELLY: Indeed Jim - and finally, we have a direct quote in from David Davies on “Fax-Gate”…it simply reads “errr…what paperwork?”
END
It was football’s Transfer Deadline Day last week…
In March 2019 our Government will have it’s equivalent…
Welcome to the madness of….
Brexit Deadline Day!!!
FX: Sky Sports “swoosh”
JIM: Welcome all to the studios here at the Department of Exiting the European Union! An exciting last few minutes we have for you…..
KELLY: Indeed we do Jim…first up, the Chinese Super League have issued a “hands off” warning to potential buyers of our PM. Quote; “Auntie May shows great ability on the pitch “sidestepping” human rights issues. Plus her husband’s “handsome-ness” will be great for us commercially”.
JIM: Lovely stuff. New just in that the transfer of Liam Fox has been upheld due to the Department’s fax machine not working.
KELLY: The Foreign Office have issued a “come and get me” plea for Boris Johnson. Boris’ agent has told us “he knows nothing about it”.
JIM: Over now to Charlotte, our Eastern European football correspondent.
CHARLOTTE: Thanks Jim. Sources are telling us that Russia has hijacked a bid by the Trump Administration for out-of-contract Nigel Farage. You’ll remember Piers Morgan was also part of the deal, but he got injured during the negotiations in Davos, pulling his head of the President’s arsehole….
JIM: Thanks Charlotte - we have an update that the Department fro Brexit WILL accept an emergency swap deal for Liam Fox - they just want a new fax machine.
KELLY: Jacob Rees Mogg’s transfer fee has hit a snag over his 19th Century image rights…..
JIM: Immigration Minister Caroline Noakes has been held up at the airport due to no work permit….
KELLY: Just hearing the Foreign Office will offer Boris Johnson on a free AND include three brand new fax machines as an incentive to get him off their books.
JIM: We head live now to the Treasury Office and our man David….David, what can you tell us?
DAVID: Yes Jim, you can see behind me there is a taxi just waiting on the corner…I’m being told that inside that Taxi is Micheal Gove. This must follow rumours of a move from the Department of Environment, Food and Rural Affairs…
JIM: Has anyone come out to greet him, David?
DAVID: No.
KELLY: Sorry to interrupt there gentlemen, but we have some breaking news. The Liam Fox and Boris Johnson transfers have broken down at the last minute. It seems that David Davies has not got the paperwork over to Curry’s PC World in time to purchase the fax machines….
JIM: WOW! You also have an update on Gove for us, David?
DAVID: Yes, just hearing in my ear that the Micheal Gove to Chancellor from Environment Secretary rumour was in fact a transfer spoof, ran by George Osbourne at the Evening Standard. I can see Gove being told this just now by his driver….ahhh…yes…just look at his face!
JIM: What drama we have on Brexit Deadline Day!
KELLY: Indeed Jim - and finally, we have a direct quote in from David Davies on “Fax-Gate”…it simply reads “errr…what paperwork?”
END