A Space (Com)Oddity
Feb 12th 2018
Science news now and according to the Daily Star, NASA estimates that there is $700 quintillion - that’s a seven followed by 20 zeros - worth of raw materials in the Asteroid Belt between Mars and Jupiter. This should JUST ABOUT cover my student loan repayments. But there is someone else interested in this bumper pay-day who gave the space agency a call….
A SPACE (COM)ODDITY
FX: SKYPE CALL RINGTONE
SCIENTIST A: Hello, Mr President
TRUMP: Hello NASA can your hear me?
SCIENTIST B: We can hear and see you sir loud and clear!
TRUMP: Fantastic. I heard on Fox and Friends about all this money in Space. Space money. Just floating around. Its incredible. How do we get it?
SCIENTIST C: Well sir, its actually iron, gold and nickel. We work with an asteroid mining company called Deep Space Industries…
SCIENTIST B: DSI for short
TRUMP: DSI? Like DSI Miami? Love that show. Fighting crime and drugs… Miami is so close to Mexico, you know?
SCIENTIST A: Excuse me?
TRUMP: Hey, speaking of bad hombres, this could really solve my wall problem.
SCIENTIST B: Errr…
TRUMP: Iron for my beautiful wall
SCIENTIST C: Well…..
TRUMP: Gold as well? Gold for my beautiful toilet that I tweet on. Anything else?
SCIENTIST A: A huge amount of nickel, Mr President
TRUMP: Nickel for…errr what is nickel? I thought it was 700 bazillion dollars, not nickels?
SCIENTIST A (VERY enthusiastically) Well sir, meteoric nickel is found in combination with iron, a reflection of the origin of these elements as major end products of supernova nucleosynthesis!
TRUMP: (long pause) so these nickels are not 20 cents?
SCIENTIST A: (less enthusiastically) No…
TRUMP: Good. The nickels can be for the poor people. We can help the poor. The poor will be so happy with their alien nickels.
SCIENTIST B: Sir, if this comes off, every human being on the planet could earn $100bn each!
TRUMP: $100bn? My hair costs more that that. Hey, any coal up there?
SCIENTIST C: Excuse me?
TRUMP: You mentioned a mining company? Any beautiful coal mines? So clean, so beautiful.
SCIENTIST C: No sir, coal is only produced inside the Earth over millions of years?
TRUMP: We don’t have millions of years gentlemen. Or even jazillions.
SCIENTIST A: Well, we should be bringing back material from an asteroid in the next decade?
TRUMP: Still no good. This needs to happen next week. I need the Dow Jones to go back up…plus it’s Valentine’s Day. I need to get Melania some gold jewellery…
SCIENTIST B: Excuse me?
TRUMP: She is so angry with me right now. Very sad. Hey, get Elon on the case!
SCIENTIST C: Elon Musk?
TRUMP: Yeah, that guy knows what he is doing. Hire him. He sent a dummy into space last week. Don Jnr is on the next flight.
SCIENTIST A: I’m not sure that…
TRUMP: Anyway, we can win this space race, people. Beat the Chinese. Make lots of money. Trump wins. Make America Great Again…In Spaaaace!
SCIENTIST B: Sir? Who are those people in lab coats behind you?
TRUMP: Excuse me?
SCIENTIST C: Those coats…that looks like the Russian Federal Space Agency logo?
TRUMP: What, you can see these people?
SCIENTIST A: It’s a video call, sir
TRUMP: They…they are my cleaners! New cleaners! White House rat infestation. They are exterminators! No collusion! Fake new…(line goes dead).
END
Science news now and according to the Daily Star, NASA estimates that there is $700 quintillion - that’s a seven followed by 20 zeros - worth of raw materials in the Asteroid Belt between Mars and Jupiter. This should JUST ABOUT cover my student loan repayments. But there is someone else interested in this bumper pay-day who gave the space agency a call….
A SPACE (COM)ODDITY
FX: SKYPE CALL RINGTONE
SCIENTIST A: Hello, Mr President
TRUMP: Hello NASA can your hear me?
SCIENTIST B: We can hear and see you sir loud and clear!
TRUMP: Fantastic. I heard on Fox and Friends about all this money in Space. Space money. Just floating around. Its incredible. How do we get it?
SCIENTIST C: Well sir, its actually iron, gold and nickel. We work with an asteroid mining company called Deep Space Industries…
SCIENTIST B: DSI for short
TRUMP: DSI? Like DSI Miami? Love that show. Fighting crime and drugs… Miami is so close to Mexico, you know?
SCIENTIST A: Excuse me?
TRUMP: Hey, speaking of bad hombres, this could really solve my wall problem.
SCIENTIST B: Errr…
TRUMP: Iron for my beautiful wall
SCIENTIST C: Well…..
TRUMP: Gold as well? Gold for my beautiful toilet that I tweet on. Anything else?
SCIENTIST A: A huge amount of nickel, Mr President
TRUMP: Nickel for…errr what is nickel? I thought it was 700 bazillion dollars, not nickels?
SCIENTIST A (VERY enthusiastically) Well sir, meteoric nickel is found in combination with iron, a reflection of the origin of these elements as major end products of supernova nucleosynthesis!
TRUMP: (long pause) so these nickels are not 20 cents?
SCIENTIST A: (less enthusiastically) No…
TRUMP: Good. The nickels can be for the poor people. We can help the poor. The poor will be so happy with their alien nickels.
SCIENTIST B: Sir, if this comes off, every human being on the planet could earn $100bn each!
TRUMP: $100bn? My hair costs more that that. Hey, any coal up there?
SCIENTIST C: Excuse me?
TRUMP: You mentioned a mining company? Any beautiful coal mines? So clean, so beautiful.
SCIENTIST C: No sir, coal is only produced inside the Earth over millions of years?
TRUMP: We don’t have millions of years gentlemen. Or even jazillions.
SCIENTIST A: Well, we should be bringing back material from an asteroid in the next decade?
TRUMP: Still no good. This needs to happen next week. I need the Dow Jones to go back up…plus it’s Valentine’s Day. I need to get Melania some gold jewellery…
SCIENTIST B: Excuse me?
TRUMP: She is so angry with me right now. Very sad. Hey, get Elon on the case!
SCIENTIST C: Elon Musk?
TRUMP: Yeah, that guy knows what he is doing. Hire him. He sent a dummy into space last week. Don Jnr is on the next flight.
SCIENTIST A: I’m not sure that…
TRUMP: Anyway, we can win this space race, people. Beat the Chinese. Make lots of money. Trump wins. Make America Great Again…In Spaaaace!
SCIENTIST B: Sir? Who are those people in lab coats behind you?
TRUMP: Excuse me?
SCIENTIST C: Those coats…that looks like the Russian Federal Space Agency logo?
TRUMP: What, you can see these people?
SCIENTIST A: It’s a video call, sir
TRUMP: They…they are my cleaners! New cleaners! White House rat infestation. They are exterminators! No collusion! Fake new…(line goes dead).
END