Aggressive Accounting
5th March 2018
Directors of the collapsed contractor Carillion masked it’s financial ill health with “aggressive accounting” according to report publish Sunday. Sounds like something I would pay to watch actually…calculators flying about…debit THIS!
With several other huge companies such as Tesco being accused of this in recent years, one wonders where they get their accountants from….
http://bit.ly/2H3jXQk
ALAN’S AGGRESSIVE ACCOUNTING ADVERTISING AGENCY
FX: CASH REGISTER JINGLE
SALESMAN 1: (Rapid Shouting) Do YOU need practice at misreporting income statements and balance sheet items to make YOUR company appear more attractive to investors!?
SALESMAN 2: Are YOU looking for creative ways to deliberately and purposefully tamper with YOUR company’s financials in order to outwardly characterise it’s revenues as higher than they truly are!?
SALESMAN 1: Then YOU need to come on down to Alan’s Aggressive Accounting Advertising Agency!
SALESMAN 2: That’s right Alan, here are at Alan’s Aggressive Accounting Advertising Agency, we offer you YOU the best recipes for cooking those books!
SALESMAN 1: We do indeed Alan! Thats right….there’s two of us! Gross Revenue Reporting, synthetic leases, liability credit balances, self-generated revenues…we have you covered from here to the Cayman Islands!
SALESMAN 2: Is it legal, Alan?
SALESMAN 1: Probably. And remember, here at Alan’s Aggressive Accounting Advertising Agency, we not only offer aggressive accounting practices, but advertising to ensure you con the public for as long as possible!
SALESMAN 2: Just listen to Alice, a nurse from the “as yet to be finished” brand new Royal Liverpool Hospital!
ALICE: We thought we were getting lovely new wards to look after our terminally ill children. But thanks to Alan’s Aggressive Accounting Advertising Agency, none of us realised until the last minute that Carrillion has collapsed and nothing would be completed.
SALESMAN 1: Thanks Alice! So, if your company is terminally ill just like those kids, let Alan’s Aggressive Accounting Advertising Agency keep it alive for as long as possible!
SALESMAN 2: It sounds too good to be true, Alan!
SALESMAN 1: Well, that’s basically our business plan! Find us in Unit 3 of the Westfield industrial estate…you know... the one that’s closed down due to gross financial mis-management!
SALESMAN 2: You know why that was, don’t you Alan?
SALESMAN 1: Of course, Alan - they didn’t contact Alan’s Aggressive Accounting Advertising Agency!
SALESMAN 2: Call us now! If the FSA don’t pick up, we will!
END
Directors of the collapsed contractor Carillion masked it’s financial ill health with “aggressive accounting” according to report publish Sunday. Sounds like something I would pay to watch actually…calculators flying about…debit THIS!
With several other huge companies such as Tesco being accused of this in recent years, one wonders where they get their accountants from….
http://bit.ly/2H3jXQk
ALAN’S AGGRESSIVE ACCOUNTING ADVERTISING AGENCY
FX: CASH REGISTER JINGLE
SALESMAN 1: (Rapid Shouting) Do YOU need practice at misreporting income statements and balance sheet items to make YOUR company appear more attractive to investors!?
SALESMAN 2: Are YOU looking for creative ways to deliberately and purposefully tamper with YOUR company’s financials in order to outwardly characterise it’s revenues as higher than they truly are!?
SALESMAN 1: Then YOU need to come on down to Alan’s Aggressive Accounting Advertising Agency!
SALESMAN 2: That’s right Alan, here are at Alan’s Aggressive Accounting Advertising Agency, we offer you YOU the best recipes for cooking those books!
SALESMAN 1: We do indeed Alan! Thats right….there’s two of us! Gross Revenue Reporting, synthetic leases, liability credit balances, self-generated revenues…we have you covered from here to the Cayman Islands!
SALESMAN 2: Is it legal, Alan?
SALESMAN 1: Probably. And remember, here at Alan’s Aggressive Accounting Advertising Agency, we not only offer aggressive accounting practices, but advertising to ensure you con the public for as long as possible!
SALESMAN 2: Just listen to Alice, a nurse from the “as yet to be finished” brand new Royal Liverpool Hospital!
ALICE: We thought we were getting lovely new wards to look after our terminally ill children. But thanks to Alan’s Aggressive Accounting Advertising Agency, none of us realised until the last minute that Carrillion has collapsed and nothing would be completed.
SALESMAN 1: Thanks Alice! So, if your company is terminally ill just like those kids, let Alan’s Aggressive Accounting Advertising Agency keep it alive for as long as possible!
SALESMAN 2: It sounds too good to be true, Alan!
SALESMAN 1: Well, that’s basically our business plan! Find us in Unit 3 of the Westfield industrial estate…you know... the one that’s closed down due to gross financial mis-management!
SALESMAN 2: You know why that was, don’t you Alan?
SALESMAN 1: Of course, Alan - they didn’t contact Alan’s Aggressive Accounting Advertising Agency!
SALESMAN 2: Call us now! If the FSA don’t pick up, we will!
END